drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
