I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
