You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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