why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
