it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You smell like stripper and shame
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
