Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
