about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
