he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
