what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
