we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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