if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I just went to clothing optional bar
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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