we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
