We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
