i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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