I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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