There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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