New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
