Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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