allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
