this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
