apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
