I'm eating all of the evidence.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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