I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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