Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
