I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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