Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think my fart just growled at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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