i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
