So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
