Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
