Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
