Duck Duck Cougar?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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