That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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