He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
