btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
