he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
