So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
