whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
