When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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