Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i believe in u and ur pee
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
