Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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