He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
