I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
