All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
