I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
