I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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