I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
