so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
