u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
