I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
