I faked an abortion last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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