I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Congratulations! We have a period
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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