oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize